My first blog and an introduction

Hello, my name is Shawn Hunley. I would like for everyone to know that  I have to live with mental health problems but I try to compensate for this  through acceptance and positive encouragement. That being said, I don't want to disillusion people into thinking that there is a cure for mental illness. Through medication management and consistent therapy sessions,  what society deems normal will be easier to project to others.

I never introduce myself to someone without telling them I am crazy. Some may find this offensive but the reality is I want to be open and honest and allow them to make the decision to continue to talk to me or not. The reason I have came "out" is because it became too overwhelming trying to cover up the fact that my mind isn't like anyone else I have come in contact with. Since brain chemical imbalances are not physically noticeable the chances of speaking to someone with mental health problems without knowing are far greater than you would imagine.

To begin with, I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), anxiety disorder with panic attacks and the all too familiar ADD. The later I really don't claim considering the affects of the medication and other issues contribute to all the characteristics of ADD without actually having the disorder. I understand that there are criteria that must be met in establishing a diagnosis for all mental health disorders but I also know that some of the criteria can be brought on by medication used to help with psych problems. That is the reason I do not own up to ADD. Maybe I am lying to myself to convince me and other's that I don't have it.

Growing up with mental health disorders was a pain and affected every aspect of my life. I had never considered talking about it to anyone because I was so ashamed to admit something was wrong with me. I was so scared of being put away that I tried to hide all of my problems. I look back now and it makes me sad that I couldn't have just told someone how I was feeling. In my mind I wanted to be normal like everyone around me. I had an abnormal way of looking at the world and overcompensated by laughter to make light of a serious depression that has plagued me since my earliest memories.

OCD was not something I understood nor knew how to explain at an early age. I would spend many hours trying to make sure everything added up exactly the same. I memorized steps, boards, and anything that had rhythm and honestly I still do that. The problem with OCD is not knowing you have it. I never knew I had it until I finally came clean with my counselor about getting stuck and not being able to move forward. It is still hard to explain exactly what is going on in my mind all day and night to others, but I try to describe the feelings and the action so others can see and understand what is going on with me. My OCD is not lining things up or freaking out about germs like everyone seems to be an expert on. My OCD has to do with being scared about not doing something. It sounds ridiculous when you actually say it and yet I can't shake it. Medication maintenance continues to be a part of my mental health disorders, but my OCD seems to be too strong to actually be controlled.

I hope I have opened up enough and given you an introduction to my chaotic life. I will make videos and blogs continually. I also like any feedback or discussion. Please feel free to ask anything and I will try and answer if the question pertains to something I know or can get answers for.

ShawnHunley